Consumed by Coffee

Cutting caffeine is killing this man. Fearing for my life and sanity, I vowed to drop the coffee habit... The caffeinated kind, at least, and see if I could survive without the ex-tra- leaded-give you- a-- boost -like- Cape Kennedy coffee I have been drinking in recent years.

The coffee comes from the fine, fine people at that Seattle company that has coffee shops everywhere. I mean everywhere. I saw a store yesterday in a shoe repair shop. They had a deal. Free heel repair with each latte purchased. Sorry..not true..but..hey....well....I think I was hallucinating....but come to think of it, I now feel, about 2 inches taller.

Monday Am I got up early....probably still affected by the 3 cups on Sunday, staying warm at the Browns game. I should also tell you I was in the press box, not on the field, so the keeping warm part was likely a cop-out..but I digress. Monday morning I ran outside...good run..love the cold, the snow..yep..you got me there. I am a sicko.

Lasted all day Monday with no crack--err--coffee and except for the blinding headache and the one point where I was speaking in tongues, I was just fine. I was losing all sense of memory. "Hey, who's this big guy wearing #23 for the Cavaliers"? "Hey he's good". So, aside from those issues I thought I had a chance to kick the habit.

But last night was hell. My dream....what can I say???? My wife and I were on a vacation at a remote paradise. We took mules up to our love cottage. Mules led by Juan Valdez. Scary stuff. The lady running the cottage was Mrs. Folger. She was a very stern woman, not like in those old commercials. Even scarier. The bride went into the suite and I walked around for awhile.

But when I entered the suite, I looked at the bed and there was "The Bride" sans clothing, but in a scene like that in "American Beauty" was covered in coffee beans, not Roses. I'm not sure, but I think it was Christmas Blend. Decaf Christmas Blend. She beckoned me.

The Bride

"Come here you big beast"

Me

"Who??? me??"

The Bride

My, your a big strong man..whats your size??"

Me

"Grande with the ability to expand to Venti".

With that exchange I woke up in a cold sweat. I mean, they say "Mountain Grown and they must really mean it.!!!!! " Man, this is gonna kill me.

I worked out this am at the gym and did 40 mins on the bike. I did not slide over to the "crackhouse". I am making progress... I'll keep you posted. Pray for me.